~Lighthouse Pentecostal Ministry-International~

ABUSE 
 
What is it? How do you know if you have been abused?
 
Ways to Tell if You Are Being (or Have Been) Abused
 
One of the best ways to tell if you are being abused is to trust your gut. This is a difficult task, if your abuser has managed to make you doubt your own sanity, but it is vital to your survival and healing. Ask yourself if you are frightened of the person in question; if the answer is "yes", they may well be abusing you.
 
Certainly, if they are physically abusing you, there will be bruises, bloodied noses, cuts, and other injuries to indicate what's going on. Remember that assaulting and battering someone is a criminal offense, and you don't deserve it no matter how old or young you are, how mad the person became, or whether you were having a heated argument with them beforehand. As the saying goes: your right to hit me ends where the end of my nose begins. Nobody has the right to batter anyone else, ever.
 
Following is a list of ways to tell if someone is verbally or emotionally battering you, paraphrased from Patricia Evans' books, The Verbally Abusive Relationship (Adams, 1992), and Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out. (Adams, 1993.) If you answer "yes" to a significant number of the following questions, you are likely being verbally abused.
 
Withholding: does the abuser stop speaking to you when they're displeased? do they ignore you? do they withdraw affection in order to punish you? do they blame you for this?
 
Countering: does the abuser tell you you're wrong if you don't agree with them? do they argue against your every thought? do they tell you your feelings are wrong? do they tell you that you don't know what you're talking about? do they forbid you from having your own opinions?
 
Discounting: does the abuser ignore or disparage your feelings? do they put down your feelings? do they dismiss you with statements such as, "you're too sensitive" or "you don't have a sense of humor" or "you're just taking it wrong"?
 
Ridicule (Verbal Abuse Disguised as Jokes): does the abuser make fun of you? do they ridicule you regarding subjects about which you are particularly sensitive? do they seem to enjoy it? do they accuse you of not being able to take a joke? do they use sarcasm to put you down?
 
Blocking and Diverting: does the abuser change the subject when you try to bring something up? do they divert serious discussions by accusing you of various things?
 
Accusing and Blaming: does the abuser blame you for everything that goes wrong? do they accuse you of hurting them when you tell them your feelings? do they accuse you of having affairs? are they jealous?
 
Judging and Criticizing: does the abuser find fault with everything you do? are they extremely hard to please? do they tell you you "ought" or "should" do things a certain way?
 
Trivializing: does the abuser belittle what you say? do they dismiss your feelings or accomplishments? do they insult you when you express pride in your own abilities? do they act as if your work is no big deal?
 
Undermining: does the abuser squelch your enthusiasm with insensitive comments such as, "You wouldn't understand", or, "You'll never make it"? do they sabotage your ideas by pointing out all the ways in which they might fail? do they interrupt you when you need time alone?
 
Threatening: does the abuser threaten you, overtly or covertly? do they threaten you with violence? do they threaten you with emotional pain?
 
Name-calling: does the abuser use vulgarities to insult you? do they call you cruel names? do they use terms of endearment with intense sarcasm?
 
Forgetting: does the abuser make a promise and then "forget" to keep it? do they pretend not to remember certain incidents or discussions? do they pretend not to remember prior agreements?
 
Ordering: does the abuser order you to do something instead of asking? do they demand things?
 
Denial: does the abuser deny that certain things happened? do they tell you that they didn't say something, or that you never saw something occur?
 
Abusive Anger: does the abuser erupt into a rage when they are angry? do they scream, yell, or shout? do they hurl obscenities? does their body language become more aggressive? do they stomp, strut, hit things, or hit you? do they become red in the face? do they throw things? do they physically get in your way, or follow you from room to room? do they snap at you? are they usually irritable? does all of this usually take place in private, when you are alone? (It's a sure sign things are escalating if the abuser attacks you in public.) does the abuser blame you for their anger?
 

Myths and Lies
 
The victim deserves whatever abuse she or he receives. (Don't even get me started on this one.)
 
Verbal abuse isn't really abuse. Yes it is, and it's incredibly effective -- rapists often use it to paralyze their intended victims, for example.
 
Women really mean "Yes" when they say "No." That attitude *must* have been invented by a man... I, for one, can't ever remember a time when I said "No" and didn't mean it.
 
Boys will be boys. A sorry excuse for aggressive masculine behavior, if ever I heard one.
 
Battered women are masochistic. No, they're just scared and believe they deserve it.
 
Victims provoke their abusers.
 
Abuse only happens to [insert your least favorite socio-cultural group here]. Abuse happens to all kinds of people: young, old, black, white, male, female, Jewish, Christian, rich, poor, you name it. Abuse knows no prejudice.
 
Abuse doesn't happen to nice people.
 
Rape victims were asking for its. Hey, nuns have been raped. What's your problem??
 
It could never happen to me.
 
SEXUAL ABUSE:
You have been sexually abused when a person touches you or makes you do things sexually that you are not comfortable with him or her doing. When you are being forced to do something sexual, you are being abused.
 
If you are a female click on this link: http://www.christiananswers.net/q-dml/dml-y021.html  and then return back to here.
 
So, now what?
 
You have just realized that you are being abused, or you are reliving that experience in your mind. This must be an awful thing to experience. Although millions of people experience abuse every year, this does not make it any easier to deal with personally. You never thought it would happen to you. Chances are, you did not think this person would treat you this way.
 
Well, here are some things you need to know:
 
First of all, you are not a bad person because you have experienced abuse. This is not your fault. Your abuse has possibly tried to make you think this. But the truth is that you are still an awesome and wonderful person, no matter what has happen to you. If people who had been abused were bad people, then consider the example of Jesus Christ. They abused Him, and even killed Him. Yet, He, as the God-man was without sin.
 
IF YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED, YOU HAVE TO SEEK HELP. You are not equipped to handle this on your own. Even though it hurts, you have to talk about it with someone you can trust. TALKING ABOUT IT TO SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST IS THE FIRST STEP TO HEALING. The longer you bottle this up inside you, the worse it will get. Decide right now that you are going to get help.

I assume since you are continuing to read that you have indeed decided to get help. So, now, who can help? Here are some suggestions.
 
1) Your pastor (if you go to church and know your minister well)
 
2) A Christian counselor
 
3) Call one of the 1-800 numbers we support. These are 1-800-394 HOPE or 1-800 HIT HOME.
 
RECOVERY IS NOT EASY BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE . You cannot make it on your own. Seek help. Talk openly with a trustworthy Christian counselor who can give you real help and get the broken pieces of your life put back together. Through God's help, you can be better and feel better about who you are. You can do all things through Christ who will strengthen you (Philippians 4:13).
 
If you have received Christ as your Savior, you can put this heavy burden on the Lord Jesus' shoulders (1 Peter 5:7). If you have never taken this all-important step, we urge you to make your commitment to God by confessing your sins, repenting, and inviting Jesus to come into your life and be your Savior. When you do this, you become a member of God's own family (see John 1:12). See Steps to Peace With God. http://www.theway.billygraham.org/steps1.asp
 
God will give you comfort and peace as you are faithful and obedient to Him (Psalm 37:3-5). Commit the past, the present, and the future to the Lord. Trust Him to fill your life with peace, joy, and faith as you read His Word and pray daily. Also, actively participate in a gospel-teaching church. There you may be helped by the counsel and ministry of the pastor and the fellowship of other Christians.

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Domestic Violence:

I Got Flowers Today
 
 We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times.  If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.  But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral!
Last night, he finally killed me.  He beat me to death.  If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......

If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everyone,
NOT just women.
 
===============

DEPRESSION 
 
How can God help me with my feelings of depression?
 
One of the classic accounts of depression in the Bible is Elijah's despair recorded in 1 Kings, chapter 19. He was extremely discouraged and even doubted his own usefulness to God. Notice that his depression in part was caused by physical problems--hunger and exhaustion. The first step in his restoration was food and sleep. Note how he concentrated his attention on his immediate circumstances and saw no way out of them. However, God in effect told him to get his eyes off his circumstances and back on God. It was only when Elijah had a fresh vision of God's love for him that he was able to conquer his despair.
Depression is common in our times, but it is not incurable. Believe that God loves you! The proof of this is that He sent His Son to die for you. Do not trust your feelings, but trust the fact of God's love for you as revealed in His Word. Remember the words of the writer of Hebrews: "God has said, `Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, `The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" (Hebrews 13:5-6). See Billy Graham's site called "Steps to Peace With God"
http://www.billygraham.org/believe/stepsToPeace.asp
My Story
By Wendy Cameron
 
I was not unlike a lot of people. I was vulnerable, depressed, and easily confused during my most erratic and impressionable years as a teenager. I was possessed by feelings of self-revulsion, anger, and bitterness toward those who abused me as a young child..., not too rare for teens today. So once I got old enough to where I figured that I'd pinpointed the "real problem" I began to look for solace and comfort from my family, my "friends", and more than anything, myself. I tried drinking, and "light" drugs, but they wore old on me fast and I soon became bored again.
Then one day when I was sixteen, I came across what seemed to be a lovely belief system called Wicca. At the time it seemed as though I'd found everything that I ever was and believed in ...ALL AT ONCE! You can imagine the ecstatic feelings that were running through my head. I felt like I was on cloud nine for the first time. Though deep inside something always beckoned me to get away from it,... I of course pushed the feelings aside and went about my "great search". I think back now, and it seems it was more the "aesthetics" of the occult that was so seductive and so tempting. I thought wicca was beautiful..., it didn't discriminate, it didn't make you believe *everything* it believed in, and it welcomed you no matter who you were..., by the end of my first week of study I was a Witch..., and trapped. It started with feelings of "withdrawal". I didn't take any phone calls from my friends, or even my love-interest. I began to not care about how I was dressed or how I looked in public (when I was normally a rather vein teenage girl, due to my low self-regard). And I was a terror to my family. I started sleeping all day, and staying up all night. There were even times that I wanted to kill myself... I was clearly MUCH worse off at this stage then even before the drinking started.
But I still was blinded to the one thing that would save me from spiritual death, Jesus Christ. I began to go downhill even further. I would sit in the dark in my bedroom casting spells and making requests to gods and goddesses to enrich my life. But, one night as I was studying I felt an INCREDIBLE sense of loneliness, guilt, and love all at once. All of a sudden it was so clear what was missing! I felt Jesus' love all around me, He was calling me back. I immediately got up threw all of my study guides, tools, and supplies away. I woke my mother up, and told her that her prayers for my salvation had come true. I gave my worship and love back to the Lord Jesus. I don't think I have to say that she was very happy!
It has been a hard uphill ride to re-build a relationship with Jesus, but I have never been better..., and you know what? If you're reading this and NOT a Christian, let me tell you that Jesus Christ will save your life. You may not think so, but He will. He did it for me, and I was about as far gone as you can get. My life has a purpose and direction, I'm not drifting anymore. He will provide for you too, if you just ask.
Wendy Cameron 

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DEPRESSION

Dear Lord,
 
Today Someone wants to share some thoughts on the debilitating illness...DEPRESSION.
 
I am not in the medical profession...
I am not in the psychiatric profession...
I have never suffered from depression...
 
BUT
 
As the years have passed by, I have come in contact with this "syndrome", for want of a better word, many times.
I have been a "victim" of depression although I've never suffered from it.  "How so?"  You may ask.
 
Any family who has had a member afflicted by this condition will tell you that it causes the whole unit to suffer.  It's very much like when we hurt a limb, our whole body feels the discomfort and pain.
Some parts over compensate to try to relieve the pressure the pain is causing...this is fatiguing as it is not naturally equipped for this dual functionality.
Some parts become immune to the pain in order to see to the daily functioning of the rest of the body.
Some parts have sharp outbursts of protest when a nerve touches its area causing discomfort.
Some parts come out in sympathy and mimic the disability.
All in all a very unhealthy situation...but the body copes albeit it in a dysfunctional way.  Likewise with the family.
 
In the early stages of depression the family and patient often deny that there is anything wrong, as an unsettled spirit comes over the family. 
The first reactions to depression are..."Oh pull yourself together, you've got nothing to be THAT miserable about".
As the weeks pass by, the patient descends into an uncontrollable deepening abyss of despair.
 
I feel even the medical profession are not 100% sure as to the cause of depression but have found a way of alleviating the symptoms through medication.  I praise God that He has blessed man with the ingenuity to manufacture such drugs which so often are the starting point of healing in the depressed person's life.
-Chemical imbalances;
-Illness;
-Extremely difficult life situations;
-Nothing.
These are a few things I've heard stated as being the cause or trigger of someone's depression.
So often the family is ashamed to mention it is going through the turmoil of depression...there seems to be a stigma attached to it...they alienate themselves from others at a time when they most need support.
 
I share the following tips with others who are facing this crisis with a family member:
 
In this state they don't appreciate anything you try to do to help...do it anyway.
They can be illogical and argumentative...don't argue back, be understanding.
They can be despondent and heartbroken...give comfort, don't tell the person to pull themselves together.
They can hate themselves and life...nothing you say will convince them otherwise, just put your arms around them and tell them how much you love and appreciate them.
They can be ashamed and apologetic...tell them there is nothing to apologise for as they were there for you in times of need.
They can say that you don't understand what they are going through...tell them you know, but nevertheless you are there for them 100%.
They can be clingy and insecure...try to keep a 'normal routine', but be conscious to have someone available for them at all times, as they can become extremely frightened. Be sensitive to this need and make time for them.
 
The above are not easy to do.  It can take many months for things to 'feel' right again.  You will be surprised how many families go through this.
 
So what do we as Christians do when faced with Depression in a member of our family?
 
I have been criticised for advocating medication.  I feel that any counselling is useless until the afflicted person has regained a state of calmness in which he can logically discuss his feelings.  Carefully controlled and monitored anti-depressants may help a person reach this stage.  Sometimes a root cause or trigger for depression can be discovered and dealt with by a professional or Christian counsellor. In many instances we never discover why a person suffers from depression.  If long term medication is necessary, treat it sensibly, as you would for any other illness, under the supervision of a Doctor. Try to avoid a 'roller-coaster' attitude to medication, going on and off it as your mood changes, as this so often leads to an unnecessary increase in dosage.
 
As Christians we must prayerfully hand the situation to God.  In the Bible we see King David experiencing the symptoms of depression.
"My soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to the grave.  I am counted with those who go down to the pit;  I am like a man who has no strength" (Psalm 88:3,4)
"I am troubled,  I am bowed down greatly:  I go mourning all the day long"..."I am feeble and severely broken;  I groan because of the turmoil of my heart" (Psalm 38:6,7).
 
Like King David we must find hope in the Lord and embrace His healing.
"O Lord you have brought my soul up from the grave;  You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit" (Psalm 30:3).
"I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, for You have considered my trouble;  You have known my soul in adversities" (Psalm 31:7).
"Draw near to my soul and redeem it" (Psalm 69:18).
 
Pray for an upliftment in the person's spirit every day.  Tell him you are praying for him.  As he improves, encourage him to pray with you.  Only God can deliver and heal, but He can use you as His instrument of restoration.
I feel prayer and support can help sustain long term results.
 
'I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.  He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth  -  praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord. 
(Psalm 40:1-3)

===============
 
Dear Lord,
 
Today someone upholds all families going through the trials of depression in prayer.
It is an affliction one would not wish on one's worst enemy.
It reduces one to the lowest emotional state imaginable.
 
But You, our Lord God Almighty,
Have heard the cries of your children from the depths of their despair.
Throughout all ages, You have heard this cry.
 
You alone can lift them out of this misery.
You alone can restore their spirits.
You alone can heal their hearts today.
 
Thank You Jesus for Your loving kindness;
You are the Rock of ages,
Let all emotions be anchored to You.
 
You bring new life,
You bring new joy,
You bring contentment to our lives once more.
 
Amen.
 
Doreen Hardie

===============

Love said, "Can you help me?"
 
View beautiful movie at http://www.InspiringThots.net/movie/love-story.php
Preparing For No Regrets

If Tomorrow Never Comes
 
If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep,
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming that you KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,
well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance to make everything right.
There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”,
And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?”
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget,
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight..
So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day,
That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear,
Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.
And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.
~Author Unknown~

====================

Eating Disorders 
 
 Do you ever secretly pig out and then force yourself to throw up everything you just ate? Do you ever starve yourself for days or even weeks because you think you're too fat?

If you answered yes to either of these questions (or if you have a friend who does these things), here are some facts you need to know:
 
Uncommon Names for Common Problems
 
If you participate in the "much a bunch-lose your lunch" routine known as bulimia or the voluntary act of self-starvation called anorexia nervosa, you are not alone. Eating disorders usually strike during the teen years and affect millions. While the majority of the victims are female, about 10 percent are male.

Bulimia can involve the eating and vomiting process, the chewing and then spitting out of food, or binge eating followed by the excessive use of laxatives. Anorexia nervosa on the other hand involves voluntary self-starvation and rigid dieting habits. While eating disorders may seem harmless, they are very serious. They cause an alarming number of deaths each year.
 
The Frightening Fear of Fat
 
Why do people become victims of eating disorders? Among the probable causes are low self-esteem, misconceptions about appearance, perfectionism, and a distorted view of sexuality. If media says that "thin is in," it must mean that "fat is failure." Consequently, thousands of young people are literally dying to be thin. While society has declared that a person's appearance dictates his or her worth, the Bible declares that God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). God is far more concerned with your inner character than he is with your outer appearance (1 Peter 3:3-4).
 
Overcoming the Obsession With Obesity
 
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, you need to seek both God's help and the help of others. Consulting with your family doctor will ensure your physical safety. Seeking out another person -- someone who will help you discover the reasons behind your eating problems -- will provide the emotional support you need.
 
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT GOD LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. HE CREATE YOU AND IS VERY PROUD OF HIS CREATION. LOVE YOURSELF AS GOD LOVES YOU.
 
The following website has a test that you can take if you think you may have an eating disorder:
http://www.overcomersoutreach.org/oa.htm

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You Still Have Hope
 
If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.
If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.
If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.
 
If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.
 
If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.
 
If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.
 
If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.
 
If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.
If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.
 
If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.
 
If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.
 
If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.
 
If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.
 
 
If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.
 
If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.
 
If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.
If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.
 
If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase… “yeah….BUT..” then you still have hope.
 
Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break.
 
It sustains us when nothing else can.
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we’d rather give in.
 
Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage.
 
Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it.
 
Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.
 
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.
 
And

it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
Never lose hope.
~ Author Unknown~

===============

Divorce 
 
Broken Families -- Dealing with the Hurt

 John:
"I was seven when my parents were divorced. I thought it was my fault. I didn't know why, I just thought I did something wrong. As I have gotten older, however, I realized that my parents' issues were not my fault."
 
WISE WORDS:
Whenever your parents have any fights its never your fault.
If your having problems dealing with it, ask and talk to your
parents before getting upset and blaming yourself.
 

Megan:
"I was eight years old when my parents separated. I never thought it was my fault but I believed it was my mom's because that's what my dad told me. They got divorced when I was thirteen. I didn't really feel anything because they were separated for so long. However, my view changed. I started getting mad at my dad because I realized his alcohol problem and I knew how much it hurt my mom. This whole issue was a learning experience for me because it helped me understand the problems which my father had. I also learned that I couldn't use this as a crutch. I had to move on with my life and help my mother move on with hers. Now, as I move on I know that I can't help my father he has to help himself."

WISE WORDS:
Don't ever use whatever happens to your parents as a crutch.
Be all you can be and if you have a problem talk to your
parents because you should never hold things in.
 

Jeff:
"I don't remeber my parents ever being together, never. I never thought it was my fault. I always believed it was my father's. I think my father is incompetent and plays games. He doesn't know how to be a father. I, did, learn from this experience how to raise a child and that you need God to do it."

WISE WORDS:

Never think divorce is your fault. You can't change it or make it better. Learn from your parents and grow in the Lord because He'll be your mother or your father.
 
KEEP HOPE ALIVE!
 
Julie:
"I was eleven when my parents were divorced but they were separated ever since I was four. I was more confused than anything. I never thought it was my fault but I did have a feeling they were going to get back together. This was a learning experience for me because after I realized both sides of the story I realized why they got divorced. I learned that my mom and dad would always love me."

WISE WORDS:

If you are a child going through divorce, realize that it's
not your fault, because that's the first step to overcome.
Listen to both sides of the story and don't just take one
person's side, because if the other side sees your tension
the problem could get worse.
 

HELP FOR THE HURTING

The following was written by a psychologist specializing in helping teens deal with the divorce of their parents.

Broken families are on of life's greatest tragedies. We know clearly from the bible that it was never God's plan for families to experience such devastation.

My heart goes out to the many children of such broken marriages who suffer much pain as result of their parents' action. It is never easy for anyone to go through what you have gone through, or perhaps are even going through right now. Yet in some sense, God will still be able to use this unfortunate experience to prepare you for a life that will be fuller and richer. So if your parents are divorced, how does it affect you and what can you do about it? When parents split up, there can be many emotions that a youth may have to deal with. These feelings, internalised or expressed, will result in certain behavior. We will first examine the emotional issues and then move on to the consequential behavior of youths in divorce situations. After which, we will look at the relational circumstances concerning these issues.
 
DEEP HURT

Divorce hurts! It is the collapse of a God intended design, the family nucleus. Children can get robbed of a special experience and protection called "Family". They move on in their lives as individuals without the understanding of what familial security and bond is. They look out into the world and wonder why it has dealt them a cruel card in life. "Why me? Why can't it be Tim, the big bully. Surely he deserves it more than I do?!" Having to deal with divorced parents can sometimes also be much harder than if one were to grieve their loss through death. Some people, however, swing to the opposite end by denying that it affects them. They try to go on merrily in their lives projecting an image that they are handling it well. The truth is, there is a world of difference between what one experiences in a healthy family versus one that is broken. It does not, however, spell condemnation or doom in your life. You can do something about it. The operative word here is "do". This implies that you need to take time to identify the feelings and thoughts that are running through you. To ask all the questions you need to ask, and then allow yourself to grieve through this loss. Only when you know what you feel can you learn to overcome it, and move on with better strength, positiveness and hope. Healing is necessary. Do not shortchange yourself.
 
ANGER & BITTERNESS
 
While hurt is something internal and private, anger on the other hand, is an expression or your hurt turned towards others. It is not wrong to feel angry. If someone is continually hurting you and do not want to be fair towards you, it is only natural that you get upset and angry towards that person. The sinful part only occurs when you begin to translate this anger into hate by trying to retaliate, or when you harbour a deep seated bitterness that is not willing to seek forgiveness and reconciliation actively. In Ephesians 4:26 we read that we should not sin while we may be angry, and that we need to resolve or release this anger as soon as possible. Note that it did not condemn anger per se. It talks about letting this anger linger on until it turns cancerous and deadly and results in sin - when we take justice into our own hands. Anger is natural. Learn to accept the fact that people are not perfect and somethimes we get caught in circumstances that casue us pain, even though we do not deserve it. Surrender this anger over to the Lord in prayer and allow Him to minister to this internal pain so that you may be able to forgive, and in the process of your own healing, learn even to relinquish and love those who have wronged you. It can be tough to do, but this is the true Christian conduct - that we do not deny our God-given human emotion, but learn to take responsibility for it and at the same time , committing the persons whom we feel angry about to the love and care of our Lord.
 
GUILT
 
In some instances, children may feel responsible for their parents divorce. This could be due to the fights that the parents may have over them. Sometimes, parents openly declare to them that they are splitting up because of irreconcilable differences on parenting. Other parents may blame the child for their breakup because they may feel that the child has added more stress in their marriage, causing them much emotional tension and loss of time for each other. All of these reasons given are NOT valid. You are not responsible for your parents' breakdown in their marriage. They are. Whatever stress they may have encountered because of you ( assuming that this was true), it is still their responsibility to deal with it. If necessary, they should seek help. To put blame on the child for their actions is cowardly. If they have been unable to manage a situation and have been irresponsible, then it is they who should face the guilt not someone else.
 
SHAME & INFERIORITY
 
 A loss of family identity often makes one feel inadequete or incomplete. The truth of the matter is, none of us are, whether we come from a broken home or no. It is only in Christ that we find completeness. Many children from broken families often feel inferior to others. Sometimes, people around are ignorant and ask questions like "It's father's day today, where is your dad?" or "How come you are sometimes contacted at this number and other times at another number?". These innocent questions often forces the child to face the painful reality of his family situation over and over again. Even the forms that you fill sometimes require you to state your parent's names, their addresses, their marital status and their relationship to you. Do you not let the evil one put you in constant shame. Claim the verses in Romans 8:1-4 where we are told that there is therefore no more condemnation for those who are in Christ, because of the power of His death on the cross and His resurrection. We do not need to live in shame and feel like failures. Life is abundant with Jesus ; there is still so much more to live for.
 
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
 
 Children from divorced families often feel rejected. The feeling that one has been abandoned by the two closest people in the world often leaves scars that are difficult to heal. The child is left to try to understand why thses two people cannot stay together and may even personalise the blame because they feel that they are not good enough to bring them back together. Dealing with low self-esteem requires absolute honesty to establish an accurate picture of who we are, positive or otherwise. This means that we do not try to deny that we have problems. We accept that this is the case. However, we push this further by asking ourselves what these problems really mean in our lives and what we can do about it. Often, when one goes through this process, it is evident that the consequences are not as bad as they seem to be. Life goes on. you still have the ability to integrate into the larger scheme of things. The fact is, most people are not the slightest bit concerned whether you are from a broken family or not. They just accept you as you are. If they don't , then it is they who have a problem, and you can pray for them instead of getting unnecessarily hurt. We have discussed some of the emotional issues and how to resolve them. Let's now look at the common behavior exhibited by people from such broken families.
 
CARRYING A PARACHUTE
 
Once I was dealing with a lady whose husband was having an affair. After about six sessions with her, things improved for her. I then decided to see the children to find out how this was affecting them. Her daughter, Mary, was a bright lovely girl in her second year at the university, majoring in Business Administration. When I asked her how she felt about what was going on with the family, she turned to her mother and with tears rolling down her eyes she said, "Mum, I cannot understand why you let daddy treat you this way. If any man did this to me, I would walk out on him." Obviously, Mary had a lot of resentment in her. But what was very subtle in her response was that she stands a high risk for divorce in her own marriage to come. Persons like Mary carry a parachute in their marriages. When the going gets tough, she jumps out of the plane and say, "I'm not taking this from you." Marriage is hard work. There are, of course, happy times, but I guarantee you that there will also be trying and painful times. During these very unpleasant moments, Mary might walk out if she is unable to get any immediate breakthrough in the relationship. Research shows that people who come from broken families are twice as much at risk in having failed marriages. Many of us do not realise how much we actually pick up from our own upbringing. We carry them into our lives. We need to watch out for this so that we do not carry over the negative aspects. Or it may just end up as a vicious cycle, from generation to generation.
 
TWO EXTREME RESPONSES
 
I can never ever trust people...

Some come out badly wounded from these family battles and develop complex defence systems within them . There is no one who is absolutely trustworthy to them because the two people they had trusted the most were also the two people who had hurt them most. Such people often exhibit a strong fighting character, are highly self-sufficient and do not like to socialise. They are very task-oriented and place little emphasis on human relationship, thinking that people are never dependable. You do not need to carry such a heavy burden in you life. Contrary to what you may have experienced, we are created to enjoy fellowship with one another. God is a relational God. We must have hurt Him over and over again and yet He beckons us to always come back to Him. With His outstretch hands, he extends His love to us all the time. Not to have meaningful relationships would rob us of an opportunity for growth that is so important for the development of character. It is through differences and conflicts taht we learn to change ourselves, and learn to accept people as they are.
 
I will never let others go through pain...

This is a form of over compensation, where we tend to smother others. We want so badly for others to be happy because of how we have been deprived of it ourselves. Yet we actually "rob" them of their need to grow through mistakes and pain. I am not suggesting that we do not care, but rather, that we strick a balance. A baby will not learn how to walk if the parents do not allow him to try despite fearing that he may fall and hurt himself. We need to allow personal learning process to take place before we can learn, grow and develop our own individuality. By over-compensating, we become targets where others will begin to take advantage of our weaknesses. Or they may even resent you for limiting their freedom. Healthy relationships require a proper balance of discipline and freedom. Why do we discuss emotions and behavior first? Because ultimately, they will be manifest in our relationships and affect how we deal with people. The following are some relational aspects of suffering from a divorce.
 
CHILDREN AS PAWNS
 
This refers to the situation where parents use their children to communicate with or spy on each other. A father who is paying maintenance to the wife may want to know how much mum earns so that he feels justified in stopping or reducing the money. Another instance may be to find out "Who is mummy or daddy seeing these days?" Such interactions places stress on the child because he is put in a double bind. If I help my mother or father, I am actually working against the other. If I don't help, then I'm actually trying to protect the other parent. Either way the child chooses to move, he will always find himself taking sides with either parent.
 
The Angel & Devil
 
Often there is a tendency, sometimes unconsciously, for each of the parents to want to project themselves to be the innocent party. By doing so, however, they often have to "cut" the other person down so as to make themselves look good. This is not only childish, but it can extend the grief and damage unecessarily.
 
Venting To The Child
 
Parents projecting their anger with their ex-spouse onto their children is not only detrimental, but over time, their sharp disagreements will belong to the child as well. The child begins to get a piece of the action and becomes involved in this unpleasant war. Children with such experiences often report a deep sense of resentment. Some may also feel guilty they feel that they have contributed actively to the marriage breakdown.
 
The Child Entrepreneur
 
Manipulative children will capitalise on this very quickly. These are the children who would play one parent against the other to get what they want. If mummy says "no" to a new pair of in-line skates, never mind, let's ask daddy instead. If I am not allowed to watch too much television, I'll just spend more time in the other parent's place because he/she treats me much better. Parents often fall into this trap as they feel responsible for what they have put their children through and would try to compensate for it to reduce or absolve their own guilt. What's more, they are also achieving the goal of being the better parent. This confirms to them that their ex-spouse was difficult to live with, not realising, of course, they are playing into the child's trap. Understanding what has happened will not change things, but the insights will help us to be more cautious to the hang-ups that each of us may have resulting from such experiences. This will help us work out our own relationships in the future. Finally, you need to remember that you cannot change that which is past. You do, however, have choices. Choose to accept your history and not to let it affect you in your quest for a meaningful and balanced life. Learn to express your feelings. Allow friends and relatives to rally around you to support and minister to you when necessary. If the pain is still great or if you have issues that need to be dealt with, please see a trained counsellor who is a committed Christian so that both of you can identify and work out the issues that may still be present. Learn what it means to have a commitment and focus all your energy on this when the going gets tough. 

===============

===============
 Suicide

Rev. Dr. Kathryn van Rooyen_ (mailto:revdrkathryn@ yahoo.com)

"It’s the most wonderful time of the year!" "Christmas is a happy time for
everyone on earth.." So go some of the popular Christmas songs that we hear
this time of year. But are they true? No. Absolutely not. For some, it is the
saddest, most lonely time of the year. For many people this time of year is
treacherous and down right cruel. It is normal to feel sad, and to miss those
who are no longer with us this year. However, it is also a good time to
remember GOOD and happy memories of the one now gone.

While it is certainly a time of grief for many, for some it is profoundly
overwhelming. It is true that this time of the year, we see suicides increase.
Some people feel hopeless, like everyone else in the world is happy, wealthy,
and roasting chestnuts on an open fire. Loneliness and sorrow over those no
longer sitting around the Christmas dinner table can cause some people to
break down.

What can you do to help someone who is suicidal? The only people who kill
themselves are those who have lost all hope. If you can find a
shred of hope somewhere for them to grasp, you have a greater chance of
keeping a person from completing the act of suicide.
The "typical" suicidal gesture is a cry for help, out of desperation, and
the person WANTS to be helped. They are seeking relief from pain, stress,
anguish, torment, grief, abandonment, alienation, frustration, disappointment,
memories, guilt, or illness....more than they can bear. There is no single cause
for suicide, but a multitude of causes. Suicide is a permanent solution to a
temporary problem or situation. The person suffering can no longer see
alternatives, and feels trapped and hopeless. It is usually a result of a gradual
wearing away at a person's hope and coping skills.

Suicides happen every day, about once every twenty minutes in this country
(probably much more now, this data is many years old), and there are 10
unsuccessful attempts to every fatal one. Suicide attempts are 5 times more likely
in women than men, but men succeed without prior attempts more often.

Take EVERY suicidal gesture and attempt SERIOUSLY. Do NOT make the mistake
of calling it "manipulation" Take EVERY suicidal gesture and attempt SERIOUSLY.
Do NOT make the mistake of calling it "ma

SOME SIGNS TO ALERT YOU

1. Depression
2. Self-demeaning statements
3. Hopelessness
4. Slowed speech, movements and/or thought processes
5. Reduced appetite (or tremendous increase) and weight loss
6. Diminished sexual drive
7. Sleeping difficulties (or sleeping as an escape)
8. Suicidal ideation (thoughts)
9. Social isolation
10. Thoughts of guilt, worthlessness
11. Tearfulness, sadness
12. Careless, reckless
13. Low frustration tolerance
14. Inability or unwillingness to communicate
15. Difficulty concentrating
16. Losing train of thought easily
17. Intense Boredom
18. Abrupt change in behavior, mood, work performance. THIS CAN ALSO
INDICATE A DECISION TO DIE, IF MARKED, SUDDEN IMPROVEMENT SEEMS TO OCCUR OVERNIGHT!
19. Giving away possessions
20. Making statements such as "I am such a failure", "I can't go on
anymore", "Life isn't
worth living", "I give up, I just can't take it anymore." Most people who
are suicidal have told SOMEONE about it, even if subtly.

HELPFUL THINGS TO SAY

1. Take any suicide talk, threat, or gesture as SERIOUS. Don’t say
things like "oh, you don’t mean
that!" or "I won’t listen to such nonsense."
2. Be direct. ASK if suicidal. ASK what the plan is, and pay attention to
the amount of
thought that has gone into the plan. Can it be done? Are all the "bugs" in
the plan worked out?
1. Find out if they have already taken drugs or cut themselves. IF
SO---you MUST get
help immediately! Call 911. Emergency crews can get there faster than you
can, and they are equipped to handle this.

4. Let the person vent feelings---talk about feelings. Be
"feeling-oriented" 4. Let the person ve
released, or their tears, and do not try to stop the flow. Don't correct
them or speak in
judgmental terms. Be understanding and affirming--- judgmental terms. Be
understanding and af
give them permission to kill themselves (like "gee, that is really rough.
I'd feel just like
you if that happen to me! I understand why you want to die!")
5. DO NOT LECTURE or point out all the reasons for living---it doesn't help.
1. Let the person know that this situation can get better---tell them
that God is aware of
their suffering and that He is able to do amazing things to move heaven and
earth to help us.
2. Tell them that depression CAN be treated. They can call our office at
276-979-1991 for counseling appointments (donation). You can also give the
number to a counseling crisis hotline. Daytime number is . After 4:30 and on
weekends, the hotline number is 1-800-466-6719.
3. Ask if they have a spouse, or children. These can be a focal point of
hope....and you
can have them think of what it would do to their children/spouse (children
are the best
focal point) if they died this way....how they would remember you, how it
would forever
mark their lives. Tell them that their children might never heal from such a
devastating event.
4. You may be able to convince them to meet you at a hospital. If they
met the emergency criteria,
they would be admitted to the hospital for three days for evaluation and
observation. It could be the trigger for the help they need.
5. KEEP THEM TALKING! Talking does a LOT of good for the soul, and it
can lessen the internal
pressure and anxiety.
1. Ask them if you can pray for them. Break the scheme of the enemy and
rebuke
suicide spirit. Bottom line is THEY MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS! If someone
wants to kill themselves, there is always a way around any safety nets. Pray for
them earnestly

From the heart of the Appalachian Mountains,
Rev. Dr. Kathryn van Rooyen

_www.RevealedHeartM iwww.Reveawww_ (http://www.revealed heartministries. org/)
_www.BooksandStitch ewww.B_ (http://www.booksand stitches. com/)

I want to dovetail on these two in particular:
1) TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY 2) ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS... ."are you thinking about
hurting/killing yourself. You will not be making the suggestion.. .it has
been there. I can't tell you the times that I've had someone come up in the
prayer line and say to me..."Pray for me because I'm through" " I'm tired now,
I'm going home." " Will you ask God to forgive me?" etc...All cues. I
can't tell you the number of times when colleagues standing next to me...(we
stood across the front of the church and each had a line of people to pray for)
go into some religious rigamoroll, casting out devils, and oiling them down
and rebuking them for thinking about it. And others simply ignored it because
they didn't know WHAT to say.

As I read Fran's response, I'm reminded of my Crisis Intervention Counseling
Program, and the "assessment" we're to do when encountering a potential
suicide victim. The first thing is to ascertain if the person has a
plan/strategy for how they would kill themselves and then if they have the wherewithal to
do it. i.e, gun, pills, etc. If these things are indeed in place, (and many
of them will tell you because most of them are crying for help) you are
mandated to act immediately by contacting the appropriate resources. Secondly,
you are not to leave them alone until they have been placed in custody of
someone who can protect them from themselves.

If however, there is no real plan, but appears to be a thought, you must
make a "contract" with them that they will not harm themselves, they will not do
anything before they call you and give you the opportunity to come to them.
Now does this guarantee that they will follow through with the contract..not
at all, but it is a tool, and many of them will endeavor to keep their word.

Let me conclude this piece by saying I know firsthand what it's like to be
there. And just as Linda talked about going into the liquor store....I walked
this lane on more than one occassion... .and though I'm on the other side of
the counter now.....but for the grace of God.....

===============
 
Suicide
 
If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional. I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when your pain is greater than your ability to handle the situation."

That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. (That's why it's useless for someone to say to you, "cheer up!" - of course you would, if you could.)

Don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about". There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Most people have had suicidal thoughts at some point in their life. This does not in any way make you a bad person; it is not a defect of character. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:

(1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1. The first thing you need to hear is that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

2. The next thing I want to suggest to you is to give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3. The third thing is this: people often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4. The fourth thing is this: some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you.
LET ME SUGGEST SOME HELP:
Call 1-800-394-HOPE
People are waiting to help you...
Or you can visit:  www.TeenHopeLine.com  and chat with someone right now!
 
"I sometimes have thoughts of suicide. What does the Bible say about it?"
Let me share some information that might help you with your thoughts of suicide. The Bible is very clear that we don't have the right to take our own lives. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." Jesus also said in John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." There is hope for your life, and your life is worth living, even if things seem really bad right now. Everyone feels lonely, depressed, or hopeless at times in their life. But instead of focusing on the negative, turn your eyes and mind up to Christ. In your relationship with him you will discover your exciting purpose and destiny. Don't throw away your future!
Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) and he will use everything in this world to make you believe that you are ugly, unloved, unworthy, not valued, not wanted or anything except the truth. What is the truth? For you "to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge." (Ephesians 3:18-19) Satan does not want you to know this love, but it is there for you and it is unconditional. Another lie that Satan will try to get you to believe is that you have to be perfect on the outside to have worth. The truth is that "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1Peter 3:3-4).
Love Letter From God To You:
My Child--
You may not know me, but I know everything about you--Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up--Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways--Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered--Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image--Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being--Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring--Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived--Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation--Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book--Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live--Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made--Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb--Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born--Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me--John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love--1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you--1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father--1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could--Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father--Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand--James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs--Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope--Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love--Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore--Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing--Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you--Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession--Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul--Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things--Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me--Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart--Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires--Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine--Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager--2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles--2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you--Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart--Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes--Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth--Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus--John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed--John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being--Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you--Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins--2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled--2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you--1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love--Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me--1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again--Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen--Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father--Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is Will you be my child--John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you--Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad. Almighty God
 
Know God? How can I know God?
Take a minute and find out how you can have a personal relationship with God!
Is There Really Someone Watching?
Find out who is watching and how He can help you with your problems. Find God Online! Believe it or not you can actually find God online. Take a minute and surf this area.
1. God Loves You...
God loves everyone and he desires us to have eternal life. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." And, John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (NIV)
2. You Are A Sinner In Need Of Forgiveness...
You have sinned by choosing to go your own way instead of God's way. Through His Holy Spirit, God wants you to know that you are seperated from God and will face His judgement. Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,". Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." And, Heb 9:27 says, "Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment," (NIV)
3. God Wants To Forgive You...
God demonstrated His love for you by sending His Son, Jesus Christ. By dying on the cross and rising from the dead, Jesus took your judgement and made it possible for you to be forgiven. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, 1 Pet 3:18 says, "For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit," (NIV)
4. You Must Turn Away From Your Sins...
You cannot save yourself or earn God's forgiveness as a result of being good enough. Just as you change directions when you realize you're walking the wrong way, you must repent, or turn away, from you sins. Luke 13:5 says, "I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish." And, Ephesians 2:8-9 say, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." (NIV)
5. You Must Place Your Faith In God's Son, Jesus Christ...
When you realize you are walking in the wrong direction, you turn to find the right way. Jesus is the right way. As you turn away from your sins, place your faith in Jesus to receive forgiveness and eternal life. Acts 20:21 says, "I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus." And, John 14:6 says, "Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."" (NIV)
6. You Receive Jesus Christ Through Prayer...
Because Jesus is alive, He stands ready to come into your life. Revelations 3:20 says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." (NIV) Through prayer you can:
Admit to God that you are a sinner and that you are turning away from you sins; Believe in Jesus by thanking Him for dying on the cross and rising from the dead for your sins; Commit your life to Jesus by asking Him to come into your life as your Savior and Lord.
After you have prayed this prayer, try to find a local church where you can worship and learn more about Jesus. Also, commit to a daily quiet time, reading your Bible and praying. 

================

I'm Angry!!!
 
Anyone can become angry.  That is easy.  But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way, that is not easy. - Aristotle

Some of you may not appreciate us quoting from Aristotle, but you have to admit, they guy has a good point.  Anger can eat a person up.  Your true potential as a minister of God can be thwarted by un-harnessed anger.

People who explode and express anger easily can cause great harm to those they are called to encourage.  It’s important for us to understand anger and it’s potential to destroy.

Exploding because someone hurt you.  When most people get hurt they cry out.  This is natural.  But it is not healthy to express anger every time someone hurts your feelings.  A good leader has the ability to harness his anger and even displace it toward healthy and more productive avenues.  Mistreating someone because they hurt you is not just.  It is bullying. 

It is entirely possible that the person who hurt you did it unintentionally and without malice.  You would be wise to forgive them quickly and swallow that anger before you create a fissure in a relationship that cannot be mended.

Being addicted to anger.  Some people love to be angry.  They enjoy the feeling of superiority they get when they have told someone off.   They actually look for opportunities to get after someone or give someone a hard time.  Certain hormones even create a strong physical sensation when they really get mad. 

These people are addicted to this hormone and the emotion of anger.  It is important to be a person of peace.  If you find yourself constantly getting angry at others for little reasons, you might be addicted to anger.  Just like any other addict, you can actually build up a tolerance for this drug.  Once this happens, you will find it necessary to constantly become angrier in order to get the same euphoria.  This could end in a terrible way if you do not get deliverance from this addiction. 

Using anger to exploit.  Most people learn to exploit by anger at a very early age.  Babies learn quickly to cry out in anger when they are not getting what they want.  They will use anger tantrums to control their parents who simply want to appease them.

These same people grow up believing that they can use anger to get their way all the time.  On the job, they will use anger to cause others to cave into their demands.  These people may not stomp their feet in the workplace or church office, but you know when they are mad and they will use this to control others.

Who anger hurts.  Anger usually hurts those closest to you.  Family, friends, and close colleagues are usually hurt by people given to anger.  People outside your circle of influence will find humor in your outbursts, but those close to you will be damaged as they are usually the target of your outbursts of anger.  Anger is a stronghold that you can be delivered from.  It’s power to hurt and damage must be controlled if you are going to be an encourager to those already beaten down by this world.
 Rev. James Smith
====================

Loneliness

We need a community around us. Years ago, when speaker of the house Sam
Rayburn heard that he had terminal cancer, he shocked everyone when he
announced that he was going back to his small town in Bonham, Texas.
Everyone said to him: They have got the finest facilities in Washington, D.
C., why go back to that little town. Rayburn's words have been quoted so
often that some of you have probably heard them. He said: "Because in
Bohman, Texas, they know if you’re sick and they care when you die. We need
community.

In his autobiography, Robert Brooke told of a trip he made from England to
the United States, aboard the ship C. C. Cedric. When he arrived at the
dock, he noticed that everyone had relatives standing there to send them
off. In the midst of the embraces he felt terribly lonely. He thus called a
young boy over and paid him a schilling to wave at him as the boat pulled
out of the dock. And sure enough, the young boy stood there waving with all
his might, and Brooke waved back. Everyone needs a community to love them
and recognize them.

www.eSermons.com
=======================

Coping with Pressure

Countless icebergs float in the frigid waters around Greenland. Some are
tiny; others tower skyward. At times the small ones move in one direction
while their gigantic counterparts go in another. Why is this? The small ones
are pushed around by the winds blowing on the surface of the water, but the
huge ice masses are carried along by deep ocean currents.

~Unknown~
=====================

Most Common Regrets

Cornell University Researchers wanted to know what people most regret. After
surveying university employees, students, retired professors, and nursing
home residents, they found that twice as many people were bothered more by
what they did not do rather than what they had done. Missed opportunities
were the most common of all regrets. Most regrets were from those who were
unwilling to take chances. They feared too much the short-term consequence
that failure would bring.

Health Magazine
==================

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend.
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my Friend.
But instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone.
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried.
“How can You be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “What could I do?
You never let them go.”
~ Author Unknown~
=====================

BE SOMBODY

You don't have to look like somebody else,
You don't need to be perfect at all;
It doesn't matter how old you are,
Nor whether you're big or small!

When you touch the lives of others,
When you show how much you care;
By helping out whenever you can,
And by saying you'll always be there...

By speaking words of kindness,
When you listen to someone in need;
When always you try to do your best,
Whether or not you succeed...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Because you always try to bee
Everything that you can bee...
That's what makes you somebody
Who's very important to me!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Love said, "Can you help me?"
 
View beautiful movie at http://www.InspiringThots.net/movie/love-story.php

===============

Dealing with the death of a loved one 
 
God Knows

When you're tired and discouraged
from fruitless efforts ...

God knows how hard you tried.

When you've cried so long
and your heart is in anguish ...

God has counted your tears.

If you feel that your life is on hold
and time has passed you by ...

God is waiting with you.

When you're lonely and your friends
are too busy even for a phone call ...

God is by your side.

When you think you've tried everything
and don't know where to turn ...

God is the solution.

When nothing makes sense
and you are confused or frustrated ...

God has the answer.

If suddenly your outlook is brighter
and you find traces of hope ...

God has whispered to you.

When something joyful happens
and you are filled with awe ...

God has smiled on you.

When you have a purpose to fulfill
and a dream to follow ...

God has opened your eyes and called you by name.

Remember that wherever you are
or whatever you are facing ...

GOD KNOWS

Chapters and Books

As I look back over my life I find that it is very much like a book, sometimes history, sometimes comedy, sometimes tragedy and drama. That's on the good days. Other times I find that it most resembles a cheap novel, lots of pages but not very exciting or interesting. But when I examine the individual chapters, I have many mixed feelings. Some of those chapters disappoint me. I find myself wishing I could revisit those times and re-write my thoughts or actions or the outcomes. But because it's the past, it's out of my reach. I can't re-write but I can learn the lessons that life has taught me. The chapters that contain stories of families and friends are very dear to me. I can go back in my memories and read the many treasured stories I have accumulated. There, too, I wish I could change some things but there, too, I can't. I can only make sure that I conduct my relationships better now by saying (sometimes with difficulty) "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong" or "I need your help" or "I love you" or "I think you're wonderful." How I wish I had said some of those things to my loved ones who have died. How I wish I still had the chance to say them. But, in the case of my parents, relatives and friends who have died, I can't do that. I have to trust that they knew. I can, however, say those things now to those who are still a part of my daily life. I can take the lessons learned with difficulty and apply them. For, you see, the book of my life is yet unfinished. There are chapters unfolding each day. Each day I greet the dawn with gratitude and look forward to the adventures and teachings I shall encounter. Each evening I reflect on my successes and failures and plan for the day yet to come.

And my dead are the volumes on the shelves of my memory. I can lift each tenderly and with affection and page through their chapters and their stories and their heritage to me. I can enfold the volumes, one by one, and hold them close, reliving the days I shared with them, sharing them with those around me.

So, my friends, write your chapters well. Keep the books of the dead with respect and joy.

May we all be inscribed in the Book of Life.
 
Duties to the Living; Duties to the Dead

We do not live in a vacuum or alone on a desert island, even if our pain makes us think we do. We live as a strand in a web of life that stretches widely and touches many. What affects us affects others. Grief is, however, such a powerful force in our lives that we can, for a time, become confused about our duties.

We live at a time when the pop psychologists would have us all pay so much attention to our own feelings that everything else becomes subordinate to those feelings. While I agree that we must pay attention to what is going on with us and that we must do whatever helps us to attain healing, I also believe strongly that we have duties to the living as well as to the dead. To find the balance is not always easy.

For a time, the griever is not sure who has died. The degree of numbness that can encompass a person makes him/her feel like there is no life possible without the person who has died and for a time activities of daily living can suffer as a person descends into the hell of loneliness and depression. We must accept that in the beginning, a bereaved person doesn't have much, if any, control over the storms of deep emotion. It is, however, interesting to note that bible does have injunctions against excessive grief. For a generous amount of time, the bereft person is given much leeway and great care is taken to ensure time and space to grieve. But there also comes a time when a person must engage in activities of living and, in spite of the internal pain, reclaim one's place in the daily world of interactions. We must not mistake the mixture in us of feelings and actions. Throughout life, we must often act even when our feelings are obstacles. If employees only went to work when they felt like it, there wouldn't be many people working. If we only took care of our families when we felt like it, there wouldn't be many families. We are required to do many things in our daily lives that we don't feel like doing. And we are required to do many things in our grieving life that we don't feel like doing.

What precisely are our duties to the dead? And what are our duties to the living?

We must treasure and honor the memories of the dead. We must tell their stories and make sure they are not forgotten. We must keep close to our hearts the lessons we have learned in our lives with one who has gone before us. We must tell the children stories of their grandparents and parents. We must honor them as our ancestors.

And our duties to the living require us to be alive and not act as if we are dead. We must take our places, as we can, in our families and in our communities. We must make our contributions, large or small, to the world in which we live. We must live out the stories that one day will be told about us as those we leave behind honor our memories.

It does no honor to the dead to refrain from life.

It does no honor to the living, either.

The path of grief is difficult and lonely. It is not easy to know what to do or how to do it. In seeking balance in our grief, we create the path.
 
The Holidays

The holidays are approaching rapidly and everywhere grieving people are dreading them. For many this is the first major holiday without that special person. For many the idea of being thankful seems impossible. It feels like everything positive has been wiped out of life and only the heaviness of negativity and loss remain.

It takes time to remember that we have much for which to be grateful. For a long time after the death there is a cloud of numbness and meaninglessness surrounding the mourners. When a holiday comes, the first tendency is to make it go away, to act as if there is no holiday, to eliminate it from the calendar. Or worse, some follow family traditions for the holiday and never once mention the person who has died. I say 'worse' because the effort to avoid causing pain by mentioning someone's name takes a great toll and is largely unsuccessful anyway. Everyone present is working so hard to keep grief in rather than expressing it . The effort to do that creates a great cloud of discomfort that blankets all present. But, there are many things to be thankful for. The life of the person who has died contains many shared gifts that bring smiles as well as tears that provide hearty laughter as well as pain. It is much more beneficial for healing if the family shares the joys and tears together, rather than trying to be strong for some reason.

There is one truth about grief: you have to go through the pain to get the healing.

For the holidays, some need to keep celebrations just the way they've always been. If that's the case, it becomes important to find ways of honoring the person who has died. Some set a place at table. Some place a prominent picture and put flowers of light a candle. Others tell stories of the one who is no longer present. These are all ways of honoring memories, of evoking presence.

Some need to do things differently because they are not yet ready to resume long-standing family rituals. This can mean having the meal at someone else's house. It can mean going out to dinner. It can mean taking a trip instead of staying home.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. The only right way is what works to help the family get through a difficult time. And in the presence of those who care, there is much for which to be thankful.
 
SEASONS OF GRIEF
 
All winter we looked forward to summer. It arrived and now is rapidly moving toward fall. It becomes difficult sometimes to remember what day it is as the tasks pile up and our duties and family responsibilities carry us forward. Grief has seasons too. The seasons of grieving don't move as orderly as summer, fall, winter, spring but they too have their characteristics.

In the Spring of our grief, it is all new and grows faster than we can comprehend. Everything and everywhere reminds us of our pain which seems to fill every corner of our being. The rains of grief's spring are the tears.

In the summer of our grief, we are surrounded by the fruits of our pain. We have days that are comfortable and seem manageable and days when our discomfort seems to take away the very air we need to breathe. But there are occasional good and comfortable days.

In the Fall of our grief, we begin to shed some of the defenses we have placed around us. Just as the trees shed their leaves, we begin to shed isolation and loneliness as we join little by little in social, community and family events and manage to look forward to them sometimes.

And in the winter of our grief, we rest, just as the earth rests from its season of growth and harvest. We take comfort in our memories and in our love and look forward to the next spring when we will grow once again, this time as a new person, having realized what it means to go on.

And in each season come the unexpected storms that take us by surprise and cause us to run inward to escape the turmoil. But after the storm, the sun shines once again.
IN YOUR TIME OF DIFFICULTY, ONLY ONE CAN GIVE YOU TRUE AND LASTING PEACE. "For Christ is our peace" (Ephesians 2:14).

===============

If Tomorrow Never Comes
 
If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep,
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming that you KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,
well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance to make everything right.
There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”,
And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?”
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget,
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight..
So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day,
That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear,
Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.
And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.
~ Author Unknown~

===============

Fear Entraps Us

The African impala can jump to a height of over 10 feet and cover a distance of greater than 30 feet. Yet these magnificent creatures can be kept in an enclosure in any zoo with a 3-foot wall. The animals will not jump if they cannot see where their feet will fall.

Faith is the ability to trust what we cannot see, and with faith we are
freed from the flimsy enclosures of life that fear allows to entrap us.

~Unknown~
===============

 

 

 

 

 

From  Andiesisle.Com

http://www.andiesisle.com/BricksFromTheAshes.html

Links to help and inform (Click on the links below to view these websites) Links should open in a new window  1 in 3 women will be abused at  some point in their lives National Domestic Violence Hotline 15 million women will be assaulted by  their husband or boyfriend this year For Teens Family and partner violence is a national epidemic.  It has no religious, political, age, gender, sexual or social boundaries.  IT knows no boundaries.  In 60% of the homes where a woman is abused,   so are the children - 600,000 children will be treated  for abuse this year,  many will not survive National Exchange Club Foundation Preventing Child Abuse No one deserves to be beaten, humiliated,  or suffer from emotional harm Verbal/Emotional Abuse Every day four women die  as a result of domestic violence Domestic Violence: Why does it happen, and How can it be stopped ? By Bob Davidson,  Director USA Family Life Chaplain Training Program The battlefields in our homes have been  well hidden from public view Women Against Domestic Violence

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